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4 Nodes Running AmiExpress -- A4000/68040 At 25 MHZ
RingDown Number For All 4 Nodes : +45-982-38413
Mon Feb 14 18:49:14 1994
@BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZLAMER NEWS ISSUE 5! SCENES GREATEST MAGAZINE
[=-]=======================[MightYMuz]======
@END_FILE_ID.DIZ
Your Bi-Weekly Dose of Scene Gossip is ON! ISSUE 5 Feb 14th 1994
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LLL AAAAAAAAA MMMMMMMMMMMMM EEEEEEEEEEE RRRRRRRRRRR
LLL AAA AAA MMMMMMMMMMMMM EEEEE RRR RRR
LLL AAA AAA MMM MMM MMM EEEEEEEEEEE RRRRRRRRRRR
LLL AAAAAAAAA MMM MMM MMM EEEEEEEEEEE RRRR RRRR
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LLLLLLL AAA AAA MMM MMM MMM EEEEEEEEEEE RRRR RRRR
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NNN NNN NNN EEEEE WWWW WWWW WWWW SSSS
NNN NNNNNN EEEEEEEEEEE WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SSSSSSSSSS
Written by D-Man , And Others
Intro in Text Formation!
------------------------
Before you could say `IS IT TRUE FISH/LSD IS DEAD?` LAMER NEWS hits you
like a bout of oral sex in a Lay-by on the A1. We `FORCE OUT` the Excrment
from the body of the scene,into the awaiting HOT TOWLES more commenly known
as LAMER NEWS. + Remember LAMER NEWS: It wont wake you up , and it`s not the
Steve Wright Breakfast show!
-ANDREW HAUGAN PLAYS TRUMP CARD! -WORLD EXLUSIVE!
------------------------------------------------
Recently Fish/LSD `FULED` by LSD has been trying to make it apparent that
he has in fact DIED. He did this beacause of his DAILY HELL of having abusive
phone calls, items deliverd to his house ordered by STOLEN credit cards ,
these ranging from builders,pizzas,flowers,skips and more recently a
`SUCCESION OF CLOWNS` , these apparently expecting a kids party rather than a
dying,handicapped Northaner answering the door. Also the MAJOR fact of his
recent PANIC that he is going to be busted by J.Loader.`FILLED WITH WORRY` the
dying ,mentally and physically handicapped Co-Leader of LSD (as he cant make
desicions himself) went to Pazza to ask his advice as of how to get out of the
situations that are making his life a LIVING HELL. Pazza (who was once quoted
as saying `YES,YOU COULD SAY FISH IS SLOWER THAN OTHER PEOPLE`) told worried
Andrew Haugan that the only way out of this was to `PRETEND TO DIE` , and as
there has been so much specululation of his future life expectancy no one
would be any the wiser. This of course being beacuase of LAMER NEWS (see
issue 2 `FISH OF LSD IS GOING TO DIE-EXCLUSIVE` and issue 4 `WHEN IS FISH/LSD
GOING TO DYE BETTING FORM`).Only a few people of LSD were told of this and
some of them actually thought he really had died . Recently Scud/LSD (The
`CAT AMONG THE PIGEONS`), was told by PAZZA that Andrew had been Cremated
and that he had been put into the fire at the crematory accompanied by the
song `HOLDING BACK THE YEARS` by Simply Red! This story will come as a
`TOTAL KNIGHTMARE` for LSD and for Fish , as it proves the Fact that LSD
are nothing more than a bunch of , Uneducated,Aging,Hopless,Nigger Loving,
Lying,Hypercritical,Back-Stabbing No-Bodys , that have about as much chance
of being elite as Fish/LSD has of becoming a trapeze artist at an Ice-Skating
rink.
-KITARO/FLT SPEAKS OUT ON MAN LOADER! -WORLD EXCLUSIVE!
------------------------------------------------------------
Kitaro/FLT recently voted as THE BEST TRADER IN THE WORLD , in the latest
world charts , has `FIANLLY SHUT HIS BBS DOWN FOR GOOD`. After in conjunction
with LAMER NEWS we published that he had killed his UK bbs for good in the
last issue , this was actually a lie,and it re-opened it as DOPE-HOUSE.
On the Monday 7th Febuary at 4.09pm Kitaro rang J.Loader to ask if it was
`HE` that uploaded the text file TRUEFAST.txt onto UKNOWN PLEASURES. This
being the text file where Loader `WARNED` the scene that he had been
targetting bbs`s since May`93 and proof of running one could result in a two
year jail sentance , of which allegedly includes the re-inbursment of progr-
ammers.In the text file LOADER warned that major bbs`s were targetted,KITAROs
being one of them. In the file J.Loader said that already this year he had
closed two major amiga bbs`s , these being ARCADIA and Jamacia Inn , BOTH of
which wre reported to have been busted FIRST in the scene by your number one
LAMER NEWS. LAMER NEWS would preditct that IF Kitaro would have kept his bbs
up weather in the name of MILLENIA or DOPE-HOUSE it would be have been busted
by now . KITARO will STILL continue modem trading although he has OFFICIALLY
STATED that he has closed down the UK FLT HQ. LAMER NEWS is THE FIRST mag to
publish this , ENJOY! [(c) LAMER NEWS 94]
-DEMOGOURGE ABLAIZE IN 9 CAR PILE UP ON MOUNTAIN -HELL!
------------------------------------------------------
The day was Monday January 22nd. Demogourge (USA LEADER OF AFL/RDC) set off
to work in his 1992 model TOYATA TERCEL. It was a gloomy , bleak day and was
pouring down with rain. Demogourge got to Highway 17 (which is a mountain
road) only to find it slippery and packed . Then came the FULL HORROR of what
was about to happen .
At 12.33pm DEMOGOURGE saw a car (about nine in front of him) loose control
(See Fish/LSD for more information about LOSING CONTROL), suddenly EVERY car
in front of him was swerving `MADLY` about . DEMOGOURGE `SLAMMED ON HIS
BREAKS` veering horrificly toward the side of the mountain , at this moment
DEMOGOURGE lost conciousness and unlike a few envolved was `LUCKY TO BE ALIVE`
. About two minuites later DEMOGOURGE woke up , and momentarily didnt know
where he was , Getting out of his car , and then getting back in again [? -ed]
,he told an onlooker he was `FINE` and was `OFF TO WORK`. This being impossibe
as his car was a right off. After the `HORROR` DEMOGOURGE is now SUBDUED and
has to wear a neck brase. This being unfortunate for him when he had to meat
SABINE , at SANTA-CRUISE airport two weeks ago!
We can also reviel that SABINE is now happily settled in with DEMOGOURGE ,
the only problem being he has now lost his phone voice line as he owed at&t
over $1000!
-MORDRID LSD`s EX-USA LEADER IS BACK REVALATIONS!
------------------------------------------------
Since COMBAT 18 formatted ANARCHY INC (The former one node WHQ of LSD) 3
times Nothing has been seen or heard from the troubled sysop `MORDRID` ...
Joseph Sharmer
2219 Mission Drive
Santa Cruz
California
ZiP 95010
We can now EXCLUSIVLY reviel that Mordrid has actually set up a bbs running
`PC EXPRESS` again , beacause of the fact that he `MISSES THE SCENE` . Mordrid
not being too bright,thinks that beacause he has changed his Handle and
Computer to a PC that he will now stop being harrased. This NOT being the case.
In his short lived time on the scene he...
- Was the Co-Leader of LSD
- Married a JEW, this being only his SECOND girlfriend the first one (DEBBIE
MILLER) having dumped him.
- Tried with another USA lamer to STEAL every USA member of LSD to start a
new group , this when he was still LSD Co-Leader! This was only stopped by
D-Man by chance reading of his `private mail` on the NEW-USER conf on
Skullbuggery.
- Had his board formatted 3 times by D-Man.
- Had the Girlfriends bank where she works (Coast Commercial bank) hacked and
in the week that followed , had police search her home , had her photo on
a two page spread in the California Post newspaper where the headline was
`INTERNATIONAL HACKER , HACKS COAST COMMERCIAL BANK` where the article
`DRONED ON` about how evil D-Man was.
- Now having his `JEWISH` wife leaving him to go back to `MAINE` to live with
her mother,having stated in an `ALLEGED` private conversation that she
was `BOARD WITH JOES WAYS`.
etc etc. Mordrid having also `BRAGGED` how rich he was , we now learn drives
a `CHEAP OLD TRUCK` and spends ALL of his money on his Morgage. This fact
enphasised by the fact that `DEMOGOURGE` used to go round to his house , and
seeing how `STRAPPED FOR CASH` mordrid was,used to `BRING ROUND BAGS OF FOOD`
with him. Apparently once DEMOGOURGE went round to his house `LAIDEN` with
2 bags FULL of `CHEEREO` crisps , (Like the Americian eqivalent to Quavers)
,and gave them to Mordrid. Mordrid `QUICK AS A FLASH` , unpacked the bags
of crisps/chips and `LIKE A THING POSSESED` started raming the things into
his `EMPTY CUPBOARDS` and into his `STARVING MOUTH`. In a statement yesterday
DEMOGOURGE/AFL said `It was like watching an advert`.
Read next weeks LAMER NEWS with a capture of MORDRIDS formatted bbs!
NEWS IN BRIEF!
--------------
- Combat 18 and Zonder Kommando have now MERGED , the newly formed group is
called ZK2008 . The group is purly a HACK/CRACK group and will centre aound
WHITE`s only and being THE BEST hacking group on the scene. Withen only 2
weeks of igsistance the group has already stolen the `NEWLY FORMED DO-
GOODER` Kimble`s USER.DATA and USER.KEYS. Plus has accounts on EVERY FLT
and SR bbs as group members under fake account`s.
- Rob/Classic`s MAIN trader is in fact 17 years old and cant have phone calls
after 9.00pm! This information revieled by his Mother last week will come
(now publisied) as an imbarrasment for Mark (+46 4087612) and also for
Classic , as complicatios will arise them having to release everthing before
9pm to please there `YOUNGER MEMBERS`.
- World Box , is still `GOING STRONG` . As we reported in the Last Month`s
LAMER NEWS only a few people including D-Man have it and as far as we
know it has not been spread further. + Well done to all those poeple who
in `FEAR` of being billed by British TeleJOKE for Blue-Boxing have stopped
, this caused by an `ANNOUNAMOS` text file written by `SOMEONE` . The person
responsable for the text file was quoted after writing it as saying it was
`ANOTHER GOOD COMBAT 18 GAG` , and has now gone off to iceland to sell snow
to the esquimos.
- Two Little Boys , are in fact `TWO LITTLE BOYS` from the shamfull Sweedish
devision of Classic , those being OZONE/CLASSIC and ROB/CLASSIC . The two
`BOYS` released a text file in which they apparently `NAMED ZONDER KOMMANDO`
, this file being 80% WRONG!
- OPPS! DEMOGOURGE who is now living with SABINE has LOST HIS JOB! This being
beacause D-Man and Scud/LSD used to call his work up with AT&T cards. Two
weeks ago two members of the ridiculus AT&T security went to his work and
told bosses that `STOLEN CARDS` were being used almost daily to call his
work. Suggestions point to D-Man as in his last house he had all his lines
filtered and could only call out with AT&T and Credit Cards . LAMER NEWS
would like to state that it wasnt D-Man , but ALL the work of the evil
SCUD/LSD.
- A new swedish hacking groud BOARD-BREAKERS , was formed on Febuary 12th.
The group comprising mostly of Sweedish and German members.
- J.Loader the `HERO`! . In this months Amiga Format J.Loader wrote about
the `HUGE` amount of noise created in the scene (Caused mostly by himself)
in the busting of ARCADIA/PARADOX UK HQ. This being in J.Loaders words a
`MAJOR TRIUMPH` . This meaning the fact that the UK sceen will have had
to have gone without such classics as `STABLE MASTERS`and`WRESTLING MASTERS`
. The two games thar were released by the PISS-POOR ParaFROGS when his bbs
was down.
- Ultimate Dreams DUAL CREW`s UK HQ has shut due to a text file written
allegedly by Johnathan Loader , regarding his recent lamness in busting
ARCADIA . Paul (Hybrid) the sysop says he has no intention of re-opening
his sad one node bbs as he is in too much fear of being busted.
- We can reviel that J.Loader firstly called in his `KILL UK SCENE` campaign
on the sad one node uk bbs `GRAVEYARD` . John Loader applied as a user to
the bbs under the imaganitive handle `JOHN LOADER` , and as referances
in the questionare gave KITARO & HYBRID. In doing this stuart the dumb
`THICK SHIT` sysop gave him access.
- Next after J.Loader had gained access to he graveyard bbs he got information
about `UKNOWN PLEASURES` the extremly SAD UK bbs run by `RAZOR BLADE`. This
was where the `TRUEFAST.txt` was first uploaded by J.Loader.
- In what will come as a blow to INTREQ/PDX , after talking to the Paradox
Leadership from what was only a temporary measure , it now becomes aparent
that now OFFICIALY Intreq`s bbs is the UK HQ where as the `DO-GOODER`
KIMBLE`s bbs is now the EHQ. Thus meaning that INTREQ now is considered
`SECOND RATE` in his card supplying and scene abilties , as apposed to
KIMBLE.
- Hells-Bells , Pazza Smells!
- In a verbal attack on Quartex and BEAST this week,UNDERTAKER/QTX has said
that he thinks BEAST/PDX wrote text file that was `SUPPOSIDLY` written by
J.LOADER , telling the scene of his recent bust. The evidance points to
the fact that J.LOADER did actually write the text file , BUT James (BEAST)
WAS trading only 1 day after his `SUPPOSID` bust.
- Most ridiculous group this fortnight are LEGEND , they released `Toado`,
`3 days` after it was released . The first copy out was `WISLEY` un-
signed due to the game actually coming from Febuary edition of Amiga
Format. Due to the `NAMLESS` game Legend released it as `A FINAL VERSION`
of the game , in fact there version was only 3 levels long and obviously
very LATE and very LAME.
- More recently LEGEND released FLY HARDER AGA/CDTV , when the game was
actually originaly released 24 hours before hand .
- Tradres Paradise the Shamfull German BBS was hacked yesterday by ZK2008.
This now being the `5th` time in one month that ZK2008 have hacked it.
- Paz and Caz `ON THE MOVE!`. Pazza and ugly fat `WIFE TO BE` Caz have moved
into another `COUNCIL FLAT` we can reviel . This being due to the ammont
of abuse/mail caused mostly by revalations people have read about the pair
in your `NUMBER ONE LAMER NEWS`. It is now apparent that Paz will be keep-
ing his new nuber and address `UNDER WRAPS` , to aviod further harrasment.
This of course copying FISH/LSD the Mentaly and Phisically Handicapped Co-
Leader who dosnt even tell traders his phone number EVEN THOUGH he is the
Modem Manager! Read next fortnight`s LAMER NEWS where we`ll give you Pazza`s
new Number and Address!
- `Gaz-P` ,lsd`s newly found Unemployed trader,we can reviel got his copy of
the `WELL USED` Americian Blue-Box from Simon Lee (Grasshopper) . He is
now,to add to the joke , shamfully co-sysop on the Lady Di BBS/Zenith CHQ
- In the days that have passed since LAMER NEWS issue 4 there have been no
less than `5` text files about D-Man and `2` Demos . The most BIZARE demo
gave detalils of an `AIDS VICTIM`, apparently that has no reason to live
anymore , that says he will `KILL~ D-Man at the next copy party.
- LAMER NEWS can reviel HOW the sysop of SKULLBUGGERY was billed over $600
on his phone line. `SOMEBODY` called up his voice line , hacked his answer-
ing machine and changed the message to `Yup ok I do`. The `PERSON` then
called up at&t and asked to make a `COLLECT` call to the number. When the
`DUMB BIMBO` at&t operator asked `WILL YOU ACCEPT THE CHARGES` the voice
evedently said `Yup ok I do` . The operator being a THICK BITCH AMERICIAN
then put the call through , consiquently billing the phone line.
- Planet X bbs is now the LSD WHQ. And by what the sysop `JOHN YA-YA` has
recently been saying it is apparent that he intends to stay WHQ even
if/when SKULLBUGGERY comes back up . LSD have absolutly NO IDEA of the
future of Skullbuggery and apparently didnt even know it was going down.
READ THIS FORTNIGHT`S LAMER NEWS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE SYSOP OF
SKULLBUGGERY FOR THE FULL STORY! LAMER NEWS `IF IT`S ON IT`S IN!`
- Razor Blade has shut his BBS! Razor Blade (Struggling fair-haired sysop of
ULTIMATE DREAMS) did it allegedly beacause J.LOADER to quote Dereks EXACT
words `NEW ABOUT HIS BBS`.Not realizing that LOADER has been on his bbs for
over 4 months under a fake handle and that if he didnt no about it he could
have simply found the number in a BBS list Razor Blade will still close it
down .Simple looking Des was last scene at the shamefull DigiCRAP party
wearing a Blue and White stripped jumper and looking like something that
you get out of a tin.
- Apparently a person that has been calling people from the scene recently
(Including MARC-PAMTHER/LSD) and giving them abuse,is a person called -BOD-
, he has also apparently been telling people he will be busting them.
Apparently his phone numbers and name are wanted by multitude of people.
These being DARRAN HAGAN and his phone line being +44 286 413273. + if you
cant get through,or if the sad `BOY` disconects it , DONT DESPAIR call his
parents line (In same house) on +44 268 418084.
- Axeman (Tony Million) , WRONGLY BUSTED! LAMER NEWS can exclusivly reviel
that AXEMAN (Who was busted by J.LOADER in December) in an act of either
`KINDNESS` or `MADNESS` was HIMSELF arrested for `SELLING PIRATED GAEMES`
EVEN THOUGH the `BAD APPLE` was in fact FATHER MILLION! `NEW REVALATIONS`
reviel that Axeman`s Dad TERRY MILLION (+44 91 370 2780) , actually sells
the games on `SATURDAY MORNINGS` at the `Chester-Le-Street` Market in
Newcastle Upon-Tyne. This will dramitically effect the way the rapidly
approaching case against TONY MILLION will go , as J.Loader (who reads
LAMER NEWS) will now have this information needed to BUST no Axeman but
his dad , and might even use THIS magazine as evidance in court!
- Struggling group Fairlight you may have noticed have not been releasing
much latley . LAMER NEWS can reviel that this is due to a `LACK OF CASH`,
brought on by gay JBM paying for ALL of splatts phone bill! This being due
to the fact that SPLATT basically is the one who BEGGED and continues to
BEG to NOMAD that he stays in the group . Sad!
- YUK! Caz (The live-in ,wife-to-be of Paz) is a disgusting 15 and a half
stone in weight! The 27 year old woman who is currently being used as a
`TOOL` by pazza to answer his phone to try and impress people who ring in
the form of letting them know Pazza is so kewl he can live with an UGLY,
UNEMPLOYED,NORTHAN,FAT SLAG. Wow,what a guy!
- John Hand-Cocks (Noxious) Mother IN TEARS! On a recent ZK2008 conferance
after all the tricks such as ringing up Commodore in the USA and laughing
at there faces , and calling all the UK police stations claiming to be the
IRA and claiming bombs r`a`planted in that particluer town , etc had been
done there was a call made to MOTHER HANDCOCK (On +44 909 500098) . After
the civalised question was asked `Can I speak to John Handcock` the woman
SCREAMED `there is no one here anymore with a computer` , burst into tears
and hung up!
------------------------
APOLOGY!
--------
An Article published in LAMER NEWS 4 suggested that SABINE/AFL had a
mostoche and implied that we wanted to know what color it was. We now
unreservedly accept that the suggestion is totally without foundation or
substance. We apologise to Sabine for the embarrasment which she has been
caused by the publication of our interview.
---------------
THE BIG INTERVIEW!
------------------
Currently there is a lot of talk/lyes/fake text files surrounding LSD`s
`EX` WHQ Skullbuggery. Being THE FIRST magazine with the MAJOR STORIES we
give you an EXCLUSIVE interview with the sysop of SKULLBUGGERY. The interview
was given on Sunday 6th Feburary. THESE ARE THE BIKERS EXACT REPLYS!
(LN - LAMER NEWS | BS - THE BIKER - SYSOP OF SKULLBUGGERY)
LN - YOUR BBS HAS GONE DOWN . WHAT IS THE TRUTH ON THIS?
BS - we wernt hacked , we wernt busteed , we just decided 2 shut it
down due 2 police and local phone compainies eg AT&T coperate security
and ALL-TEL Security in Canada.
LN - WHY DID IT GO DOWN AND DO YOU THINK D-MAN HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?
BS - you were mysteriously on the bbs every time when someone dialed out
from the lines , i had a $600 bill of calls i didnt dial .
LN - WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHT`S ON THE CURRENT SCENE?
BS - not real good i suppose , it could be better.
LN - WILL YOU OPEN YOUR BBS AGAIN?
BS - hopfully in 14 days time with the new numbers , new lines , new v-fast
modems , new serial cards etc . we will back , bigger and better than
before . also for you to put in is that we now have room when i move
houses for 8 phone lines.
LN - WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE `DYING AMIGA SCENE`?
BS - considering i love the amiga , I guess i hope it wont die.
LN - WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE CURRENT HACKING SCENE?
BS - most of them are lamers i think , they dont really bother me.
LN - WHAT DOES YOUR SHIT LOOK LIKE IN THE TOILET BOWL?
BS - the same as anyone elses i guess hehehe , a bit bigger from the average
maybe.
LN - AND WHAT DOES THE SMELL OF THE BIG SHIT , SMELL LIKE?
BS - a load of shit i suppose
LN - WHAT DO YOU MOST LIKE ABOUT THE USA NATIONALIST`S , AND DO U LIKE THE
HOPLESS COMMUNIUSTS?
BS - im not into politics , i dont if im really truthfull care about the
current political scene in general.
LN - DO YOU DETESTE THE INFLUX OF `NIGGER` TRASH IN THE UK AND USA?
BS- we dont have so much of an influx in the south , they are already here
i think heheheh.
LN - IS THERE ANY QUESTION YOU WISHED WE WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU?
BS - i dont know , im only into the scene for fun and enjoyment , i think
it`s the way the whole scene should be.
LN - WHAT IS YOUR OPINION OF USA MEMBERS OF THE SCENE?
BS - were not as good as the euros i suppose , but we`re not that bad.
LN - WHAT IS YOUR REAL TRUTHFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH SKYLARK?
BS - he is my best friend.
LN - HAVE YOU A GIRLFRIEND AT THE PRESENT TIME?
BS - no unfortunatly , i dont.
LN - WHAT WOULD YOUR IDEAL GIRL LOOK LIKE?
BS - petite , blonde , and very very hungry. and nothing like jbm heheh
LN - WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT LAMER NEWS BEING BANNED FROM THE SHAMEFULLY LAME
LSD BBS`S?
BS - ive read it every 2 weeks but ive got it off all different boards as LSD
have for some reason banned it.
LN - WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD AND DRINK?
BS - pizza and beer , obviously.
LN - HAVING ALREADY RUN A BBS WHAT LESSONS HAVE YOU LEARNT ABOUT BBS`S?
BS - yup we almost certainly will , this time with 5 nodes and a better
group and user base i think.
LN - ERM YUP OK AND YOUR FINAL THOUGHT`S OF YOUR PRESENT SITUATION AND BBS?
BS - skullbuggery is not dead , we have a momentary hic-up , we will be
back , bigger , better and stronger very soon!
-----------------------
LETTER`S TO THE EDITOR!
-----------------------
Dear LAMER NEWS..
Lamer Of The Month: /X Coding Category Award
And the winners are: James Conwell and Deathbringer/FAITH
All text by Mack Lifeguard/DCS
James Cownell (The Controller) is a mediocre no-life coder from Houston,
Texas. Yes, believe it or not, there are many lamers in the USA too.
Particularly in Texas.
This back-stabbing son of a bitch doesn't exactly belong to any group or
organization (no one will take him) but he has helped code some /X tools
in the past.
A few months ago, my friend NZO/DCS came up with an idea to make some
Amiexpress tools that would replace existing /X commands, like Zippy
Search, Newscan, etc. During the Turbo Zippy project, however, NZO got
tied up with his superb Sonic Attack demo, so we decided it would be ok to
let a straggler like Conwell finish coding some of NZO's lower-level 68000
routines.
So one day I go to Conwell's house, bringing all of my tools and source
code to test on his A4000, using Enforcer (a debugger tool). I wanted to
make sure there were no incompatibilty problems between Amigas.
Unfortunately, I forgot to erase some of my work when I left his house.
So about a month later, Conwell demands that I place his name before NZO's
in the title credits of Turbo Zippy. I told him that it was no big deal
and that I would talk it over with NZO. Then the next day Conwell calls
to tell me he wants his name in bright flashy letters in the title
credits and to completely remove NZO's name from the program.
At one time Conwell honestly believed all IBMers out there would run out
and buy Amigas as soon as they saw his super-amazingly-fast searching
algorithm. Keep in mind that it was NZO who originally coded the
algorithm and Conwell had just helped optimize it a bit. Nonetheless,
Conwell said it would revolutionize the world of computing as we knew it
and he wanted to make sure everyone saw his name. He even hinted to me
that I should pay him royalty fees for his work, but since the tool itself
would advertize his God's-Gift-To-Computers, he would give me the
algorithm for free.
This guy was really losing it now. One too many hours in front of his
Amiga playing Stunt Car Racer... The phosphor in his brain was starting
to burn in...
Finally Conwell orders me to tell DCS that he must be admitted into our
group--specially since he was the greatest assembly coder in the Amiga
scene. So I told him to fuck off.
Never heard from him again.
Then about a month later, I see a file floating around the boards called
"AXEDIT.SRC". It was the ARexx script to Ax-Edit, the same exact source
code of an old beta version I had left behind at Conwell's house.
Allegedly, the file had been cracked from the original encrypted version
and all backdoors removed from it. What a joke! If Conwell had known
anything about ARexx he would have realized the script didn't even work!
Yet he removed backdoors from it?? ha!
Ax-Edit and Turbo Zippy are very simple modules for Amiexpress. I don't
make a living coding them, and lamers like Conwell will always be around,
but I just wanted to set the record straight for anyone out there using
any of these tools.
As for Deathbringer. Well, he's not really worth wasting too many ASCII
characters on, but here's some info on the bastard:
Deathbringer (Larry Castee 1+713+855+6360) is a 57 (fifty-seven) year old
nigger that shovels coal at a local petroleum company. Currently, his bbs
Horror Zone (1+713+855+6370) is HQ for FAITH. This spook grandfather of 8
gets his kicks out of watching naked pictures of little boys and patching
other people's programs to replace the author's name with his own then
showing them off on his bbs. But don't take my word for it, just call his
bbs and use some of "his" tools.
Amiexpress v3.35 by Deathbringer/FAITH. Hahahaha!
By MACK LIFEGUARD/DCS Co-Leader
---------------
Dear LAMER NEWS
YOU ARE A FUCKING WANKER ,WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE AND WILL FUCKIN STAB
THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR WEAK FUCKING BODY . YOUR A FUCKING SAD NAZI WITH NOTHING
BETTER TO FUCKING DO THAN TERRORISE THE SCENE AND SPREAD YOUR RACIST SHIT.
YOU WILL DIE EITHER ON YOUR OWN SAD DOORSTEP OR AT THE NEXT FUCKING COPY
PARTY . YOUR FUCKING DEAD SHITHEAD.
By UNSIGNED
Dear Sender..
Thanks for the letter and contribuing to are great magazine! One thing
... if you have D-Mans address why send the letter to his PO-BOX? LOSER!
---------------
Dear LAMER NEWS
I AM WRITING TO YOU TO ASK WHY YOU CONTINUE TO EVERY ISSUE TO HOUND
FISH OF LSD? ARE YOU NOT SATISFIED WITH PUTTING HIS FULL NAME INTO YOUR
MAGAZINE? IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE ABOUT HIM DYING WHY ARE YOU HOUNDING HIM
STILL? HOW WILL YOU FEEL IF HE DOES DYE HAVING ON YOUR CONCIENCE THE FACT
THAT YOU PROBABLY HAD A LOT TO DO WITH IT? ALSO WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS OF
THE GROWING NUMBERS OF PEOPLE IN THE ANL (ANTI NAZI LEAUGE) THAT HAVE YOUR
ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER , AND WANT TO KILL YOU?
By AN LSD MEMBER
Dear Sender
Thanks for the letter and contributing to are great magazine! Ok you ask
in the latter part of your interesting letter what i think of the alegations
that the `NIGGER & GAY LOVING` A.N.L. have my address and hate me. Well I
know they talk about me sometimes at there meeting`s , and regarding what i
think about them , I havnt laughed so much since i heard FISH/LSD had died!
Hope that answers your question , NIGGER LOVER!
----------------------------
ADVERTS!
--------
FISH/LSD - TALE`s FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!
----------------------------------------
ISSUED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND PROPIGANDA...
Multiple Sclerosis is one of the most serious deseases in Britian today. The
`GRAND FINALE` is of course actually being dead. The problems arising from
this inconvienance include `AFTER-LIFE EXPERIANCES`. In the case of Andrew
Haugan (Fish/LSD) there has been a `DUMB-FUCK` looking `HUMAN FREAK` `WHEEL-
CHAIRING` around the place in BARNSLEY where DEAD Andrew Haugan onced lived.
Are you this Human Freak? It is important for the department that we find
out WHO you are . When sending off to the address below spare a thought for
POOR `THICK BITCH`, Marie Haugan. Now her `FREAK` husband has `allegedly` died
what has she got to look forward to but a life of `SPOONGING` to feed her
little sons mouths.If YOU are the freak OR you want to make a donation be it
flowers money , checks or even Jiffy Bags filled with cow`s shit , you will
have the knowledge that you have `ADDED` to the situation.
Write to
MAIRE HAUGAN (PENNILESS WIDOW)
14 Pine Close
Hoyland
Barnsley
England
LAMER NEWS - WE CARE!
-----------------------------
HOW TO BECOME AN `ALLEGED` ELITE HACKER OVER-NIGHT!
---------------------------------------------------
1) Get your 14 year old boyfriend to bring his computers round to your house
so every-one watching will think you have lot`s of computer equipment
2) Phone up Channel 4 and `BEG` to do a programme about hacking as Ch-4 will
be the only channel DESPERATE enough to do one
3) First job is to show at your house (Where you live Chris with your Mummy)
how to blue-box,this being beacause you cant get AT&T cards or credit-cards
4) Dont Despair though! Tell the stupid reviewer that you get cards through
the `TRASHING METHOD` where the sad Ch-4 will bleep out your voice. This
meaning you `GO THROUGH BINS` looking for cards as ure to hopless to hack
them yourself.
5) Make sure you have lots of captures from H/P bbs`s so you can `PRETEND`
to call up lame PUBLIC systems ie Fort Knox LEGAL information data bases
6) Call up the SAD UK Internet , BUT play dialing tones from the Unlimited
Access dialer so hopefully no-one will actually notice your boy-friend
calling up and actually PAYING for the call.
7) Tell the reviewer how to BB from a pay phone . Remembering you dont want
anybody to know where you live Chris so best to do it in a pay-phone right
in front of Brighton pier.
8) Once in pay-phone instead of bringing in a little hand-held tape recorder,
bring in a HUGE tape-recorder which will have more effect on the BRAIN DEAD
viewers. Next tie `LOTS OF CORD` around the cord of the pay-phone to give
the impression you have wired the phone , when in actuall fact all your
doing is calling Hiwian Bell and boxing with sad cheap headphones
9) Go to Amstdam in a `FIELD` where you meet up with sad Americians who write
legal magazines , and let the viewers THINK how cool it is when the
text files about the party on HP boards last year last year sad how UTTERLY
SHIT it was with a lack of phone lines and power.
10) Now you can brag to all your friends how cool you are , and just hope that
your EX-FREIND D-Man wont release your FULL address to the scene Chris in
`3 DAYS TIME`. Ill expect a call from you VERY SOON , LAMER!
-----------------------------
PAZZA AND THE PEOPLE! -A NEW HEARTWARMING COLUMN DEVOTED TO SIMPLE LSD FOLK!
--------------------- -----------------------------------------------------
PAZZA - SHIT WE NEED A NEW CO-LEADER
2-BLACK - CAN I DO IT PLEASE MARTIN , YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND LSD
PAZZA - NO
2-BLACK - SO YOU ARE A FUCKING RACIST
PAZZA - OK YOU GOT THE JOB
-----------------------------
ANOUNCMENT FROM FAIRLIGHT
-------------------------
Have you not been asked to join FAGlight yet? If the answer is NO then there
has been a terrible mistake. Faglight would like to make it known that
although it`s seemingly apparent that EVRY-ONE on the scene has been asked
there `MAY` be a few people we have missed . Despite are leader JBM (OR MORE
COMMENLY NOW KNOWN AS GAYbm) having left EALLS on MIRAGE`S MEMBERS CONFERANCE
that apparently no-one except fairlight members have access to , telling
FAGlight members to `GET MORE BBS`S AND MEMBERS`. Already Gaybm`s wise words
have lead to scene `ICONS` such as ROTOX being sucked in , but has Faglight
begged to you yet? If not Feel free to call GAYbm (The hotel porter) on
+46 8883931 , where he`ll be happy to beg to you. +++ ALSO this is the number
to ring to order Faglight `ANORAKS` .That you can wear out and be proud to be
promoting a group under the leadership of an aging DYKE.
-----------------------------
COMPETITION!
------------
Unfortuatly no one won the competition `TO FIND AN LSD CODER` as apparently
no one could find one . This even though LSD wrinkly PAZZA recently in an act
of `DESPERATION` put out all the old AMI-EXPRESS utils (that no-one uses)
that have been gathering virus`s sitting on his Hard Drive.
THIS ISSUES competition is compaired with the former one quite easy.
We want YOU to find pictures/photos/painting`s [Eh? -ed] of DEAD FISH/LSD`s
rotting corpse . Also valid is the sending of some of his `ashes`. As before
you can win an exclusive holiday to the picturesque Canary Warf islands in
London . If you have his ashes or pictures of Andrew Haugan `DEAD` contact us
NOW . Closing Date for the competition is iminant,So HURRY!
-----------------------------
Quotes of the week:
-------------------
The Sunday Times (Sunday 30th January ) by Lynn Barber:
-------------------------------------------------------
There are some things in this world that women do better than men ,shopping
weeping hysterically and cleaning up around the house - and we should go
down the pub and let them get on with it . Drunk women he claims are boring
to talk to and more boring in bed , anyway what man wants to go out with a
dead fish?
The Independant (Thursday 27th January) by Steven Huges:
--------------------------------------------------------
"No one buys a Big Mac for the simple reason of eating it" says Micheal
R. Steele , an anthropologist who has written an essay about McDonalds. "The
behaviour is part of an entire gestalt in which the consumer participates on
a subliminal level . The purchase of a Big-Mac involves a deep interior
perception of self,family,country and socio-economic status".
The Daily Telegraph (Monday 17th January) by Howard Campbell:
-------------------------------------------------------------
Mr Majors speech of farewell to Mr O`Donnell was entirely non-political.
It was generous and amusing and demonstrated that the Prime Minister was
able to take a joke against himself -delevering a witty parody of the Private
Eye Secret Diary Of John Major aged 47 and 3 Quarters ...In the Adrain Mole
Style.
-----------------------------
IN THE NEXT EDITION!
--------------------
- HUGE SCANDLE ON `Maximillion E.Louran-Colette`, Leader of Paradox.
- We find out Why CAZ (PAZZAS LIVE-IN,WIFE-2-BE)uses new ALWAYS ULTRA TAMPONS
- FISH/LSD - We try to make contact with the dead!
- Another Big Interview!
- HUGE story on MAXIMAN/LSD, His job could be at risk as a result!
- Scandle on GRASSHOPPER , The Chinese sysop of QED.
- Sex with Multiple Sclerosis , we give you that facts!
- We go `THROUGH THE KEYHOLE` with John Loader (Leader of F.A.S.T).
- Plus of course UP-2-THE MINUITE news/gossip/scandles.
L-A-M-E-R N-E-W-S >>>>>>>>>> Seperating the Wheat from the Chaff!!
L-A-M-E-R N-E-W-S >>>>>>>>>> Beacause FACT into DOUBT wont go!
L-A-M-E-R N-E-W-S >>>>>>>>>> Are milk is green , come drink us!
+++ Do you know of ny Scandle affecting a `WELL KNOWN` scene member?? If
so leave D-Man or any other known members of the lamer news team mail on
a major BBS , or you could write to us at...
Darrol - LAMER NEWS
P-O-BOX 48
Tonbridge
TN11 9JF
ENGLAND
You can also send us Letters to that address regarding topics in LAMER
NEWS or your general view on us . Suffice to say on the amount of letters
we recieve most we will print and answer.
+++ Thanx to the 10 members apart from me that helped gather the
information! And to the Coder and Musician that made this all possable!
LAMER NEWS 6 will be out again on Monday 28th of Febuary! -ed
F . A . I . R . L . I . G . H . T. D . K . H . Q.
- -O----------[ THiS FiLe WaS DoWNLoaDeD FRoM ]-----------O- -
: :
- -O---/\______ __/\ ______/\ _____/\-[ FCKW ]-O- -
| / _ /\ / \ /\ \/\ / \ |
| \o \__/ \/ o\/ \__/ o/ \/ /\___/ |
- -O---\\ \/ / /\ \\ \/ // /\ \/ \---------O- -
: \ / /\ /_____/\ \ /\ /__\ _____/___ :
- -O-----\/______\/___________/\___\/____\/_________\-----O- -
| /\________/\ ____________ ________ ____/\ |
| / _ / \ /\ /\ /\/ __ \/ \ |
- -O---\ \__/ o\/ \__/ o\__/ \o \/ / /\ \--O- -
| \ \/ /\ \\ \ \ \\/ /\\ /\ \/ / |
| \ /\ /_____/\ \/\ \ /__\ __/__\ /\ / |
- -O------\/__\/___________/_____/\_____\/_______/ \/----O- -
| [ FLT ] [ FLT ] |
- -O------------:---[ SySoP: ]--[ TaRzAN ]---:------------O- -
4 Nodes Running AmiExpress -- A4000/68040 At 25 MHZ
RingDown Number For All 4 Nodes : +45-982-38413
����������������������������������������������������������������������������
And Don't Forget To Call:
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/ ___/___\__ \ _ _____ \_\__ \ ___/__ /___/ _\__ \ ______ \
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/ / / / \/ / / / \ \ / \_ / \/ / /
_/ / / \ _/ / / \ \ / // \ _/ /
\__________/\___\______/_\ /\___\______/_____/\_______/_\______/_\ ron/
\ / \ /
___/\ ______ \/ \/
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/ \ / \ \_____/ / __/_\ __ \\/ - sC�N��l U.S. hQ -
/ \ / \ / \/\_____ \/ \
/ \/ \/ \_ / \_ \ sUPPORTINg aMIGa
_/ / \ / / / \ cONSOLEs
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/_____________/ �
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ND#1 <-> 616-866-8651 <-> 21.6k USR DUAL � - SySoP : fLux/scl -
ND#2 <-> 616-866-6964 <-> 14.4k USR DUAL �
----------------------------------------------'
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|\___ \ /_/__\ \ \ \ / /___ : | / / __/____ Where The Wares Come
| / // / \ \ / / | | / __/_ ___/___. From!
|______/_____/_____/_____/___/_______| :____/ | | \_|__ :__
.---- ----------- -- - --- - ----- ---mAZ!.\_______| \ || /____
: `-----.\________||_. \ |___ : .
: `-----.|___| | \| _ \_ : :
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: -( dELIRIUM ^ uPPERcLASS gERMAN hEADQUARTERS )- `-----.|___: \\ |
: `-.\_______/ |
: `---.|___|\___:
: Uploaded Time: 18:42:12 [...] Uploaded Date: 94-Feb-16 :
: :
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### BLOOD_TXT V2.1 � XRAY/MSQ ###
* tRiStAR & RED sECtOR * gERmAN hEADqUARtER *
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#0:49�2131�elite! __________________/ \__________ dr.dre!/trsi
#1:49�2131�elite! / __ / / / \\ . / � � � � � � �
#2:49�2131�elite! /\__ \/ /\_______/ ___/ j.walker/trsi
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